Gifting Cats

Cats seem to have a misunderstanding of how this whole Christmas celebration works. As humans we typically give each other gifts. Lucy took this opportunity to again show me who it is that she prefers. As you will notice in the above photo, Latino's stocking (or boot, as Latino refers to them) remains untouched by her teeth. My stocking, however, has seen its better days. She completely bit off the loop of the stocking so it cannot be properly hung. How can Santa fill my stocking when I cannot even hang it?

Was it a coincidence that it was MY stocking that was attacked?

I think not.

Was it a deliberate attack on my pride and a spiteful way to show Latino that he remains the favored one in her eyes?

Absolutely!

I have heard that outdoor cats will bring home dead mice or birds and deliver them as gifts to their owners. I think cats have some things to learn when it comes to gift giving. Until then, Lucy, in her own way, shows Latino frequently that she appreciates him. I would actually be willing to take a dead mouse over her typical treatment of me.

Lost in Translation

One would think that living with a native Spanish speaker would help me to more quickly learn the language. This is not entirely the case. Studying on my own might be a more effective choice. When I ask how to say something in Spanish, Latino typically repeats the word in English. When I piece together my limited knowledge of Spanish into a question or phrase, he usually just goes along with it. One day I asked him, "Quieres comprar un puerco?"

"Si."

I thought briefly about what I had just said and I realized my mistake. "Did I just ask you if you want to buy a pig?"

"Yes."

"And you said yes?"

I am pretty sure no one has accused Latino of not being easy going. Apparently what I meant was "carne de puerco" which translates directly to "meat of pig."

Another day I said that I had forgotten how to say wings in Spanish. I asked him to remind me. He responded, "Repeat after me: Tu...eres...el...hombre."

"You are the man?"

"Oh yes. I am."

I think I will stick to my Spanish audio CD's.

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Betrayal Numero Dos

Lucy became a traitor months ago, but Sasha has always been faithful only to me. She will take attention from others and meow at them repeatedly, but she prefers me.

Then, the unthinkable happened.

Whenever I am at the table eating, Sasha will come around and demand attention. This involves putting her paws on my legs and running them up and down, jumping onto the back part of my chair behind me, rubbing up against me, and trying to get onto my lap. All of the above is accompanied by her loud and incessant meowing. Latino said she has recently begun to do this to him when I am not around.

At breakfast earlier this week, she was sitting on the floor between us, taking turns looking back and forth from Latino to me. I tried calling her over to my chair, as I scooted forward in my chair to make room for her. (She knows she is in charge). She showed some interest in me, but she hesitated. After a couple of minutes of her trying to decide what to do, she rubbed up on Latino and jumped up onto his chair! I could not believe my eyes! I obviously lost Lucy to the man in the house already, but I thought Sasha would always be my girl. I gasped and called her a traitor.

She showed no qualms about her decision.

Latino took this incident and ran with it. "You need a different cat that loves you more. Now you have a reason to get rid of her. What are you waiting for?"

Look at that smug face! If she were not so sweet, I would think she was purposely trying to upset me. But she is not Lucy.


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Alarm Clocks

There are a couple unfortunate things about daylight savings time in the fall. The most obvious is the time change itself which requires a bit of an adjustment to get back to a normal sleeping schedule. Unfortunately, with winter approaching and darkness surrounding me as I leave work, it is "normal" for me to want to crawl into bed at 5:30 pm. I have freakishly convincing circadian rhythms that make it difficult to accomplish anything after dark. I force myself to cook and eat (because my stomach is also rather convincing) and by 8:30 I am in shut down mode.

The cats also have difficulty adjusting to the time change. They may not be able to read numbers on a clock, but they internally know when it is 10 pm and 6 am. When we set that clock back, those feline alarm clocks set into action promptly at 5 am. Sasha and Lucy take alternate days sounding the alarm, running around frantically, scratching at the door, jumping on the bed, and any other thing they can pull out of their bag of kitty tricks. I spend the next hour trying to get them to be quiet, trying to catch them (but they know better and run and hide), and trying desperately to get more sleep. 

Latino thought it would be a good idea to show them that the time had changed, so he picked up Sasha and held her in front of the clock, saying, "Look, Sasha. Look at the clock. The time changed." She just stared with her eyes crossed, not comprehending. I asked if he was going to show Lucy the clock too. He said she would probably bite him, but he did eventually try. She did not bite, but she did growl. This will take quite a bit of practice to get them to tell time. Fortunately, they seem to be finally adjusting.

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Kittens and Puppies and Babies....Awww!

Recently Latino decided to show the cats photos of other cats online. They were not amused. He settled for showing the photos to me instead. I have an automatic response when shown a photo of a cat: "Aww!" Photo after photo he showed me and I replied in the same fashion. He started making fun of me and I knew he would continue doing so if I kept responding like that. Unfortunately, I HAD NO CONTROL! I consciously tried to stop saying "aww" but to no avail. He just laughed and laughed. There is just something about the furry little felines that makes me melt. This response can also be elicited by puppies, ducklings, babies, or pretty much any cute photo of anything.

To sum it up: I like cute things.

Awwwwww!

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Makeshift Kennel

Recently Latino and I took a day trip to a local state park. He had a conversation with Lucy before we left, trying to convince her to come with.

"You want to go the falls, Lucy? We can leave you there. You can eat mice and birds. You can go fishing. You will be so happy! Look, she is so happy just thinking about it. She is purring. Get in the kennel. Let's go, Lucy!"

Latino has not yet learned that cats do not respond to commands. She is capable of doing what he tells her to do; she just chooses not to. He clapped his hands to make her react somehow. She responded by running toward her kennel but took a sudden dive toward her SportPet cubes. Latino was willing to improvise and said, "Okay, that's fine. We can bring you in that." He proceeded to lift up the fabric cubes which sagged with the weight of Lucy's (chubby) body. He headed toward the door, but Lucy was able to get out safely.

We headed to the park without her. After we were at the park for awhile, we noticed a chipmunk scurrying around the ground. Latino said, "See? Lucy would have liked it here with the chipmunks." He must have missed her and wanted her there with us.

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

One surefire sign that a male likes a female: he gives her flowers. He knows that flowers will bring her joy and prove he cares for her.

Recently, Latino offered Lucy a flower. How sweet! Granted, it happened after I was moving a bouquet of flowers to a location out of reach of the cats. He asked why and I explained that lilies are toxic to cats. I could see the wheels turning in his head. Without missing a beat, he looked at Lucy and politely asked her, "Lucy, would you like a flower?" When she did not respond (because her English is lacking), he asked, "How about the yellow one?"

Fortunately, Lucy is a smart cat and did not take him up on the offer. She can see right through his ulterior motives.

Language Barrier

There is a game Latino and I play every night. It was not my invention and I do not particularly even care for the game. It involves a communication problem. This is "funny" because it does not involve an ACTUAL communication problem but a PRETEND one. That is the game. It proceeds, nightly, as follows: I like to read at night before bedtime. I even try to read out loud to Latino. He knows the drill, yet he comes into the room and turns off the light. I kindly ask him to please turn the light back on. He pretends not to understand and he comes over to me and says in the sweetest possible voice he can muster, "What? What, sweetie? What would you like?" I am finished being polite by this time so I yell in a non-inside voice, "TURN THE LIGHT ON!" This is his favorite part. He laughs and laughs and laughs. I realize that I play right into his little game and that if I were to react differently the game might be different or less funny to him. As it is, I have little control over my reaction. Oh well, it brings him amusement. And he does turn the light back on, eventually.

Once I outsmarted him for a few days by duct taping the light switch on so that it had to be switched off on the floor lamp itself. He laughed harder than all of the other times put together. Of course he realized he just had to take the tape off, but he humored me for a few days to give me credit for my resourcefulness.

He always acts like he does not understand what "turn off the light" means, but my favorite quote from him is this: "What? No comprende, sweetie. I think we have a language barrier."

Clearly.

Meow and Massage

It has been said that imitation is the highest form of flattery. Obviously Latino has some love for the cats because he has imitated Lucy and Sasha. Both cats like to "massage" my stomach as if they are kittens and I am the mother cat. Occassionally, Latino will pretend that two of his fingers are a cat's paws and he will imitate their motions on my stomach.

He also went through a phase of meowing. Admittedly, it was not one of his most attractive phases. I think he was trying to communicate with Sasha. He would take turns meowing in response to her meows, which of course would make her meow back. I think he was trying to tell her in catspeak that he wanted her to stop meowing. It seems she did not understand the meowing human.

Neither did I.

Betrayal

I did not realize this would happen, but there came a day when I realized that Lucy had betrayed me. A couple months after we got married it occurred to me that she preferred Latino over me. It happened the day he came home and Lucy went right up and rubbed against him. She proceeded to drop onto her side and look up at him with big doll eyes, begging for his attention. Then she started making a habit of following him around like a little duckling. He will get up off the couch and call her and she prances behind him like he holds the key to her heart. He calls her from a different room and she comes running.

This is the true test of loyalty. Lucy prefers Latino's feet to mine and whenever he stops petting her she looks straight up at him, demanding more. She keeps rearranging her position to maximize the surface area of her body that gets attention from his foot. I try reminding her that I am the one who has fed her and kept a roof over her head for over eight years. She does not care! She just glances longingly outside, like that is where she would rather be anyway. And if it was up to Latino that is where she would be. Maybe that is why she likes him.

Cat of my Dreams

I have been known to have some pretty crazy dreams. The details are a little fuzzy but the gist of one particular dream was that I was dating a dog. I remember being worried about whether I would get along with his human. Rightfully so, it would take a rare human to let his dog date a human. I guess it would take an even rarer human to date a dog. Perhaps we would get along after all. Regardless, it was just a dream.

When I told Latino about my strange dream, without even missing a beat he said, "If it were a a cat I would believe it, but a dog?!..."

I am not sure if that means he could see me dating a cat in real life or just in a dream. I don't think I want to know the answer.

Cat Video Festival

I love Minneapolis. People from all over the world have contributed to the popularity of watching cat videos on the internet. But Minneapolis pioneered a celebration of this trend by initiating the first ever International Internet Cat Video Festival. I marked it on my calendar immediately when I heard about the event. Latino and I and another friend journeyed to this festival not knowing what to expect, other than that it would be awesome. (My friend and I were more convinced than Latino). We should have gotten a clue about the popularity of the event when we were fighting traffic and barely made it on time. Crossing the street to the huge hill by the Walker Art Center, we looked up to view THOUSANDS of people crammed onto the hill behind the screen. I had never been to an outdoor event that was standing room only, but once we made our way to the top of the hill, we did not have a choice but to stand. We were shocked and delighted at the turnout.

We proceeded to watch clip after clip of the best cat videos, which were voted on in advance as the favorites by people all over the world. Admittedly, I had already seen most of the videos. But that did not stop me from enjoying every single minute and laughing along with thousands of people at the same time. It was such a unifying event. With people so divided on many political and social issues, it was such a pleasure to see everyone at such a lighthearted event, united by cats!

Latino was laughing along with us and everyone else. Every time I looked at him he was smiling and laughing. After the event, I asked if he liked it.

"Not really."

"Are you sure? You really seemed to be having a good time."

"It was okay."

I pretended to believe him.

This year, the International Internet Cat Video Festival will be moving to the Minnesota State Fair Grandstand on August 28th. Tickets will ensure that everyone has a place to sit. See you there!!!

http://www.walkerart.org/calendar/2013/internet-cat-video-festival-2

Bailamos!

Sasha is a dancer. It is through no choice of her own. She is improving a little at a time thanks to Latino's rigorous training sessions. He is a good leader, but she requires a little more assistance than most of his dancing partners who are already capable of standing in an upright position on their own. He is a patient teacher and he will hold her and guide her legs into the correct basic step of merengue, all the while singing a catchy merengue tune. The song of choice is usually "La Vaca," which means the cow. The song involves mooing. It is one of the funniest sights I have ever seen: Latino making Sasha dance while singing about a cow and mooing. And Sasha has the sweetest temperament and she does not complain. She just dances away while looking at me as if to say, "Are you kidding me? What is wrong with this guy?"

There was also the time when the two of them came into the room dancing and there was a bookshelf blocking my view of Latino. All I saw was Sasha dancing away on her back feet to the words, "Bailando, bailando" (I am dancing). There is never a dull moment in the household. I would not have it any other way.

Of Mommies and Men

The human communication in our household is often a challenge. A mispronounced word, a misplaced word, or a wrong word can and does lead to interesting and humorous outcomes. One such incident occurred on a particularly emotional day. Sometimes Latino has interesting ways of expressing his affection for me. On this occasion he said (I heard), "You will be beautiful until you are a mommy."

This was not a good day to say such a thing. I almost sent him out the door immediately. How could he be so shallow? What did he mean? If I gained a little pregnancy weight I would be ugly? I was raging and uncontrollably sobbing simultaneously. Latino was staring at me, seemingly stunned that I was so offended. He kept saying, "What? What did I say?" I responded, "You know what you said!!!!" He did; I did not. I had him repeat it a dozen times until he finally mentioned something about being wrapped in a cloth.

A mummy.

A mummy!

Those two words, though apparently they sound the same to Latino, have two very different meanings. I guess I can accept not looking beautiful when I am dead. We had just seen a film about pharaohs and mummies so I should have realized what he was saying. I started laughing uncontrollably. This overwhelmed him even more. He said, "I don't know what to do. You're crying. You're laughing...."

Get used to it.

Say What?

At the heart of this blog is communication. We will focus on several kinds: male and female, cat and human, cat and cat, Ecuadorian and American, and nonverbal. There are three languages spoken in our home: English, Spanish, and feline. As one might imagine, there are plenty of misunderstandings that occur due to these linguistic differences. I am fluent in English, but my Spanish no esta muy bueno. I have also been studying feline for many years. Latino is fluent in Spanish, speaks very good English, and is new to feline communication. He also occasionally pretends he is Italian. The cats understand but do not speak English, and they mostly just ignore the Spanish. They speak only feline and that is not Latino's or my first language; fortunately they are proficient in nonverbal communication.

A cat forcing its body under a foot, arm, or hand (even one belonging to a sleeping human) means, "Pet me." A twitching tail means, "I am on the edge....so help me I will attack you!" Huge pupils with ears slightly pursed back means, "The devil has just possessed me." A cat lying on its back with paws curled up is a dangerous proposition. It means, "Look at me; I am so cute! Touch me, however, and I will sink my teeth into your skin." Latino is still trying to learn the nonverbals. Cats are funny creatures.

Latino was once upset with Lucy for some reason and he told her she better find a way to apologize. Shortly thereafter, she went up to him, stood on her back paws and gently scratched his legs like she was sharpening her claws on a tree. Apparently this qualified as an apology in Latino's eyes, so in this house that behavior is considered an apology.

Meet the Charcters, Part II

I, Gringa, love cats. Perhaps you have picked up on that by now. I grew up on a farm with dozens of cats and one dozen siblings. I rounded out the dozen, actually, as child number twelve. In the 21st century, I am sure we could have finagled some kind of reality show contract and rolled in the dinero. Instead, my parents toiled on the farm and are two of the most hardworking individuals I have ever met. Not that my dad would have accepted reality show cameras snooping around his life. Or anyone else for that matter. In fact, he would be absolutely appalled that I am sharing these stories on the internet for all to see. His exact response would be one that I have heard countless times throughout my life: "Oh my gad."

"Dad, I want to be in gymnastics."

"Oh my gad."

"Dad, I am going to travel in Europe."

"Oh my gad."

"Dad, I am bringing a guy home for Easter."

"Oh my gad."

"Dad, I am engaged."

"Oh my gad."

"Dad, I went candlelight snowshoeing."

"Oh my gad."

His tone is identical each time he says it. It is as if it is the most unbelievable thing he has ever heard. You would think after twelve children that nothing could shock him anymore.

Latino had a South American upbringing where family means everything. He comes from a much smaller clan than I do, with just two siblings. He is a good man and a hard worker. Latino also has a lighter side with a great sense of humor and he likes to play tricks on his wife. Stay tuned for more of that. As much as I like to laugh, I sometimes take myself too seriously. Latino helps me to achieve a good balance of fun and seriousness. His completely laid back attitude is foreign to me but a good complement to my high strung nature. He loves to dance and he loves food, and these I can relate to. And soon, he is bound to share my love of cats!

Meet the Characters, Part I

Lucy* is a tabby who has been gata numero uno for about eight years. She owns the place and she knows it. No one can enter her casa without her voicing her opinion. She once hissed at my sleeping niece. Yes, Lucy, sleeping babies are as threatening as it gets!

Lucy has a foot fetish. Seriously. It is my fault actually. I have created a monster who prefers to be petted with feet. Instead of leaning over to pet her, I often pause when walking by and give her a quick pat with my foot. Now everywhere a foot is, there she is below it, begging for attention. Even in the bathroom. Cats do not believe in privacy. Lucy does not like to be around groups of people, but we once had four people petting her with their feet simultaneously. It was odd seeing my easily overstimulated cat enjoying attention from so many people all at once.

Some friends call her Lucifer. I am sure it is just a coincidence that the devil also shares that name.

Sasha* joined the clan about two and a half years after Lucy. I got her in hopes that Lucy would stop biting me if she had a feline companion to play with. Thanks for taking one for the team, Sasha! It actually helped a lot to tame down Lucifer.

Sasha is a Himalayan and she is cross-eyed. The vet pointed it out to me, as it was not something I had picked up on. We cannot all be blessed with brilliant powers of observation. She said it is quite common in this bread of cats. It is quite evident in photos (see post 1), as she bears a resemblance to Dopey, the dwarf. She has the sweetest temperament and is a great companion.

One of Latino's complaints about Sasha is her persistent, ah, talking. She meows the majority of the time. She is like one of those people who has to fill awkward silences with the sound of their own voice. Latino finds in annoying. I find it endearing...most of the time. 3 am is not one of those times. Her voice sometimes gets hoarse from overuse. She also enjoys feet on occasion. (Refer to video of Latino petting both cats with his feet. Who, other than a cat loving person, would do that?)

*The cats' names have NOT been changed to protect their identity.

Who should read this blog (you)

Cat lovers: You know you cannot get enough of cats. No need to pretend. We are all family here.

Cat haters: Though it is difficult to understand, I realize there are some of you out there. You will be amused by Latino's antics and plans for eliminating the cats from his life.*

*Cat lovers can rest assured that no cats were harmed during the writing of this blog.

Cat lovers who pretend they are not: You know who you are. It is such a sad state of affairs that some people feel they are not able to love cats freely. They think others will judge them and/or question their sanity (caused by the "crazy cat lady" stigma). Since when did loving cats and having a couple little feline friends become synonymous with crazy? Indeed, I have heard stories of a select few individuals collecting and housing more than their fair share of cuddly creatures, but that should not give the rest of us such a bad rap. When is the last time you told someone you were going to get another dog and they looked at you like you just hopped the crazy train? That does not happen, does it? There is no "crazy dog lady" expression that I am aware of.

I by no means am able to claim exemption from craziness, but my sanity level is not affiliated with cats. I believe there are plenty of well adjusted individuals who love cats as well. Cut us all a break.

My advice for people categorized as cat lovers who pretend they are not is this: Embrace your inner cat lover! Let's outnumber those who poke fun and make them feel like we have something special they do not!

Introduction

I, Gringa, have two cats. They have been a permanent fixture in my home for several years. All three of us were happily situated with the stability of our lives for quite some time. I, and the cats (who are well known for being creatures of habit), feared change to a certain extent. Apart from our happy household, I also wished for a male companion of the human variety. I had many qualifications for said male, and among them was a desire for him to share my enjoyment of my feline friends.

We cannot have everything we want.

Meet Latino. He shared his distaste for cats upon one of our initial meetings.

I promptly disqualified him.

Yet we continued to get to know each other as friends and dancing partners. A mutual attraction developed over a matter of a couple of years. Before meeting the cats he said he was allergic. From my personal experience, I am aware that allergies cause some kind of reaction: sneezing, runny nose, itchy eyes, etc. When Latino met them he was asymptomatic. He thought maybe my cats were hypoallergenic. I thought that was interesting being that I have never seen a Himalayan (with hair nearly as long as mine) on any hypoallergenic list. I concluded it was his psychological manifestation to avoid being around cats. He complained about them plenty but was insistent enough that he wanted to be with me. Two years later, we are married.

He knew what he was getting into. Love me, love my cats. Simple as that.

We are still working on this harmonious relationship.

One of my goals in this collection of writings is to bring forth enough evidence to prove to Latino that he does, in fact, love the cats. I am certain the evidence is there; he just needs it to be spelled out for him.